New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
