I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
