me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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