tell your sister to shave her snatch
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
