chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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