All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
