just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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