People in love make me want to vomit
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.