I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.