you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
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Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
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I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.