it hurts more in the daytime
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
