I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.