She said her name was "party"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?