After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
