It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
