Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
