You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
