On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
