I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
