There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
