When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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