escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
