i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize