Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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