She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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