where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
