Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
