Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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