take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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