He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize