if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
How external is "for external use only"?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
