you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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