No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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