When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
is wine microwaveable?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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