i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
