oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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