I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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