Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
