Plan B is the new Plan A
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
