I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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