My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
