Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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