The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
