If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
