I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dick very happy bro
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
