You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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