i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
PS: I just woke up from my shower
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
