Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
