Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My life is pants optional.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
