a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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