every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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