Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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