im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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