Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
