do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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