i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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