It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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