How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
