I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We talked him into tasing himself.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
