He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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