Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
