Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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