I skipped work to stalk him.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
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You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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