I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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