so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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