pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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