Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
