I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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