eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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