my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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