I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just blew my weed a kiss
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
