cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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