Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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